Day 33: אוֹהֵב אֶת הַתּוֹכָחוֹת / Loving [principled] rebuke
Accepting rebuke and feedback isn't something we always do well. In a world that values expediency and self-image, we don't appreciate a setback that demands evaluation and reform, not necessarily even on our own terms. While I don't condone some blanket "No pain, no gain" philosophy, I do believe that openness to rebuke presents an important tool for growth that actually has the capacity to bring out the best qualities in both parties.
Our wisdom tradition offers, "Do not rebuke a scoffer, for they will hate you; Reprove a wise person, and they will love you" (Proverbs 9:8). Rebuke is a fragile art that relies on the empathy and emotional intelligence of the deliverer, the humility, openness, and security of the recipient, and the strength of the relationship that exists between them. Wise people, those of us on this journey towards acquiring Torah, find trusted colleagues and mentors and cultivate a disposition towards seeking.
With the proper foundation in place, rebuke can not only further us in our quest for growth and learning, but even add more love and strength to the relationships that we lean on for that growth.
Reflection:
How does power factor into your thinking about rebuke?
How much of effective rebuke is on the deliverer and how much is on the receiver?
Lived practice:
If you find yourself in a position where you are receiving any sort of feedback, thank the other person, no matter what they say. Fight the impulse to deflect, and think what lessons and advice the other person is trying to convey, even if you don't agree at first instinct.
